On Her Majesty's Service.

What did you do yesterday? The above pictures show a little of my day job. What is it I do? Well, if I told you, I'd have to kill you ... to save you from boredom.

Let's just say I'm an investigator who makes unannounced visits to Her Majesty's loyal subjects in order to verify that they are, in fact, loyal. If I find they're not, they can end up paying large amounts of cash with perhaps a stay in one of the Crown's special hotels. Naturally, I'm not usually welcomed with open arms and a cup of tea ...

So my day kicked off at 8.30 with a grey blustery dawn and a damp car. I work alone so my office is my car. On with Radio 2 and check the paperwork for the day's work, which usually means anything between 10-20 visits, and then check into the office via the mobile. Its time to hit the road.

The first visit was to this convenience store which had just been hit by a smash and grab raid. The third time in six months. A very cute blonde police officer was standing shivering in the cold air while her colleagues investigated. She had piercing blue eyes and model looks all packaged in a uniform. What's not to like? One of the advantages of being an old goat is the ability to chat to beautiful young women without embarrassment or them becoming wary of any ulterior motive on my part. She was charming.

Time to grab a cup of tea from the local bakery shop and quick chat to the lady behind the till usually about the weather but this time about the robbery next door. Several uneventful visits follow, but this one home is weird. Empty, abandoned and overgrown, I never know what to find in these sort of places. Usually a mad dog. But this time there were only two very friendly dogs from next door, who were about to go walkies with their owner, a very posh mum and her three daughters off horse riding don't you know. She was a nice lady happy who let me take a picture of the two dogs in the back of her Land Rover. I loved the kids boots all lined up outside the front door!

Then at the end of the day its back to the faceless office, through a number of security doors and finally to my desk. Here I make my reports and recommendations as well as follow up leads and do further investigations via Big Brother's computers, and that's it. Until the next day when it all starts again ...